Simple Simon

When I was little, there was a small store in a shopping center that sold the best pies I have ever tasted. I know that as an 8 year old, my tastes couldn't have been very discerning, but there is something to be said for the tastes of childhood. I'm sure that often they are better in our memory than they ever were in reality.

The name of this store was S. Simon's and all they sold was pie. Whole pies, pies by the slice, warm derby pies, cold fruit pies. It was cool and refreshing to walk into, just like an ice cream parlor. And it was brightly painted with scenes of Simple Simon meeting the Pieman. I know that JMom always got the warm derby pie. I think they had a huge slice of chocolate deliciousness that I used to love. I know for a fact that the Strawberry Cream pie was my favorite. The custard was just the perfect amount of sweet and creamy. The strawberries were simple sliced and laid on top of the custard. No glaze, no added sugar. There may or may not have been fresh whipped cream. If there wasn't, then I certainly don't see why there can't be going forward! Anyway, somewhere along the way, that delightful and delicious establishment closed. There was no more Best Pie Ever.

But all is not lost! Somehow this scrap of paper ended up in my possession.

The recipe to the S. Simon custard for pie! It may not be the right crust, and it may not end up looking like the fluffy mounds of cream topping in the refrigerated case at that enchanting store, but it's a start! And I'm finally going to try to make it.

First of all after reading the recipe, I decided that this either makes a ginormous pie, or it's custard for 2 pies. So I cut the amounts in half. Here's what you need for one pie:

3/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup cornstarch
1/4 tsp salt
3 cups milk
4 egg yolks (save the whites...give yourself a facial or make meringue. Don't be wasteful! We're in a recession for cryin' out loud!)
2 tbsp butter (unsalted, as usual)
1 tsp vanilla extract





Mix the first five ingredients in a heavy saucepan, turn the heat to medium low. I set my stove to 2 notches below medium. Grab your wooden spoon, a barstool, and your laptop. It's important to multitask while stirring. It'll only take 15-18 minutes of Facebooking...then you should see the custard getting quite thick. At this point, it should start bubbling, much like with JMom's mac and cheese sauce. The scrap of paper just says "Stir. Boil 3 minutes". Please be advised that this means to stir constantly. And you're not looking for a rolling boil here. This is custard, people, not pasta. I did slow down the stirring while it was boiling. Just move it around a little at this point. After the 3 minutes is up, take that deliciousness off the heat. Add the butter and vanilla, then stir to combine. This is what you should have now:
Go ahead and pour it into a prebaked pie crust. My pie crusts are usually a complete disaster. The only exception is when I buy refrigerated ones that are Julie-proof. Homemade pie crusts make me mutter inappropriate things and feel domestically inadequate. So for today's recipe please ignore that hideous piece of pastry.

Once filled, place the pie in the fridge to chill for several hours:
Since the pie crust was a culinary disaster and wouldn't even make it up the sides of my dish , I had a little custard left over. Slip that in your vintage refrigerator dish, please. Grab spoonfuls throughout the day.

Once the pie is chilled and set up, I suppose you could add just about any fruit to the top. I thinly sliced strawberries and sprinkled them with just a little bit of sugar. I let them hang out in the fridge to get a little juicy, then just slapped them on top of the custard. The combination of the berries and custard is just perfect. This pie isn't going to last long around here.

Which makes me wonder if I should plan on making another pie soon. I also wonder if it would be appropriate to have a pie extravaganza. All pie, all the time?? Sweet and savory! Chilled, baked, or fried! This is definitely something I'm going to have to spend some time thinking about. I'll report back with my decision.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

Yesterday, the Hub and I worked on getting the new garden site ready for planting. He did the majority of the work, but I helped! I even have my own work gloves now!

First thing in the morning, he had staked off the 8x12 area and moved Homey's slide and playhouse, since they had been living in that spot for about 3 years. I'm glad everything is getting moved because the area really is too sunny for all the toys to be there...making it perfect for me to grow some vegetables this summer. I hope.

So, I joined him out there to help remove all the grass before he tilled the soil. I was, however, horrified when he asked me to go get the wheelbarrow. The blasted thing was put away in the back of our garage. When I say the "back" of the garage, I mean a scary L shaped add-on to the actual garage. It's terrifying in there. I just know that bats, rats, and other Halloween characters live in there.

Isn't that terrifying?? I tried to give myself a different task, even a more difficult task. He tried to insist that I'm tough and brave. I emphasized that he's thinking of Homey, not me. She's tough and brave. I'm scared of most things, including the back of the garage. He didn't let up...he's mean like that. He made me get the wheelbarrow.


Yikes! Fortunately, nothing flew at my head, scampered by my feet, or tried to grab me from the dark shadows. I'm sure it was a fluke...the monsters were sleeping, surely. You've never seen someone get a wheelbarrow out so quickly though. I didn't scream, so maybe I am working toward being tough and brave like Homey.

So the work progressed. The Hubster looks at me at one point and says, "Do you have any idea what you're doing with this garden?" My reaction was to laugh hysterically. Really? Are you really asking me this question? When I stopped laughing, I said "Of course not! What on earth would give you the idea that I have any clue what I'm doing?" Maybe he hasn't taken a gander at the house plants lately. They're a sad story:

Seriously. Who else could so successfully kill a cast iron plant and a cactus?

But I told him not to worry because JMom will help me! He asks, "Is she going to come over everyday?"

I assured that she would help me keep an eye on what needs to be done on the back 40. To which he replies, "No really. Is she going to come over everyday?"

So, JMom, if you're reading this, we were wondering if you can come over everyday. Thanks for your consideration of our neediness.

But for now, the plot is de-grassed, tilled, and ready for more dirt to be added. I have no idea what I'm doing, but if you will refer to the comment from the previous post, my other mom Karen jotted down some great advice about mulch that I plan on following. Maybe between both moms and my own ambition, we'll be able to have a lush and prolific garden. As long as no one needs me to go in the back of the garage again. Because I won't. I bet this chick never had to fight zombies and vampires to pull out her wheelbarrow. And apparently her garden rocks!

Time Flies When You're Havin' Fun!

Rumor has it that we lost an hour a few weeks ago. Word on the street is that the days are getting "longer". I will agree that we lost an hour. No one tells 4 year olds about Daylight Saving Time. I, however, will not agree that the days are "longer". In my journey through being gainfully unemployed, my days fly by!

Apparently, I'm in a time warp. My last post was a week and a half ago. The day I turned 34. So I blamed my bloglessness on being 34. Apparently senility starts setting in at 34. I'm okay with that, I would just hate to disappoint my 14 followers. It's important to me that you all are aware when I attempt a recipe, fail at said recipe, try to use my sewing machine without sewing my fingers together, and other domestic oddities like that.

I also blame the weather. I already have a tan for cryin' out loud! It's been so nice out that Homey and I have been outside as much as possible. And Hub and I have been planning our garden for this year...heh, another thing you'll find really intriguing since I can't keep any plant alive for long. We'll be relying on JMom and other knowledgeable gardeners for some advice on how to grown things and keep them alive long enough to yield a tomato or two.

Speaking of time warp, I'm really not sure where the day goes. I have a problem. Remember this gal:Yeah, she's me. I'll admit it. I get so caught up in housework because I think it's fun. It's odd and maybe even demented, but that's how I roll. Little rabbit trails of housework. I mean to stick to my "chore list for the day" (more on that strangeness later!). But I find other things to clean, cull, and organize. Before I know it, the day is over. If nothing else, this house is clean!

So I'm making an effort to put my housework problem on the back burner and get into some different things for a while. Things I really want to do. If I could just put down my broom!! I have some great ideas, so hang in there...I promise I'll post 'em!

Springy Celebrations

There's no doubt that this is one of my favorite times of year. It's definitely my favorite time of year because the world warms up, the flowers start popping up, and the afternoons last longer. And it may or may not have to do with the fact that my birthday is the same week as the first day of Spring. I'm an only child...my birthday is a very big deal to me, and I'm still confused why the mail still runs and the banks are open on my birthday. Whatever.

It's also JMom's birthday soon. This year the celebration was super fun because she may or may not turn an age that ends in a zero. I'll never tell, JMom! But to make the festivities even more, well, festive, my aunt and I gathered a large amount of gifts that, again, may or may not have equaled that same number that might end in a zero. It was so fun! I tried to disguise my half of the gifts so that she wouldn't suspect anything. It worked...she thought that I had had way too much time on my hands while decorating for spring (which is not necessarily untrue...).

Then the other half of the gifts arrived. Yep, this was gonna take a while.
But it was so much fun to do...makes me kind of excited to hit a birthday that ends in zero! JMom loved it, and Homey loved that JMom is patient enough to let her open the presents for her. Every. Single. One. Good thing there was dessert to go along with gifts! Check, check it:
The dessert buffet, complete with cake balls, based on the more intricate creations by Bakerella.
And my cake. MY cake. This has been my birthday cake for as long as I can remember. It comes from Strossners...to me, Strossners might as well be the only bakery in town, as far as I'm concerned!
And just to round out the display, I used my china. It's my great-grandmother's china, and it is perfect for spring.
And last but certainly not least is my floral sphere. Homey and I made this together right after I posted about spring inspiration. It was easy to do, and just adds an unexpected touch.
So that's how we do spring birthdays around here! I got some super groovy things that day, also, to add to my vintage glass collection. Stay tuned for everything you ever wanted to know about Jadeite!

Spring is Here!

And there was no better way to celebrate the first day of Spring than to have the fam over for the Birthday Extravaganza. I did indeed conquer the Beastly Sleepover and the Buttonholes, too! To me, that's a really exciting weekend! Who needs to go out in the world when you can round up little girls, wrap a gazillion birthday presents and sew buttonholes over and over again? It was a very busy couple of days, but I really wanted my home to scream "It's Spring!" in time for the Extravaganza.

My living room and adjoining "fireplace room" (there's no other name for it...it's just the fireplace room) are largely brown and green. Most of what I do tends to be brown and green. I'm very adventurous.

In the fall, I easily pull out oranges and reds. For Christmas, anything Merry and
Bright goes. But I didn't have much to work with this year for spring. I had two pillows--this lovely robin's egg solid pillow (Target, maybe?) and this bright happy pillow (etsy).

This year I decided to try to pull out more blue and yellow. Here's how I did it:

First, I got super brave and got these curtains from World Market. I'm terrified of pattern, so this is big news.
The two shades of blue worked perfectly, and the tiny green dot pulled the whole look together in my green and brown cocoon. So at this point, I needed more blue! Something to draw the eye around the brown-ness.

So I worked on my hooks. I love my hooks...I saw a similar set up in an issue of Cottage Living, but I couldn't find one to fit this space. So my incredibly talented husband made this for me! It's perfect. I can change out the little decorations for each season. The Sepia Homey display stays year round...who doesn't love Homey in Sepia??
To add a springy pop of blue, I got this letter B at the craft store and painted this design on it. I like the way it turned out...for very little money!

Back to the hooks...look at the other small pop of blue...Hello, Little Bird! Another DIY project, but sadly he doesn't get to live at my house anymore. I painted him for JMom. So he has flown across town by now, but I just wanted to see what he would look like. Let's see if he would look as good across the room in the hoosier cabinet:
Oh, he looks splendid nestled in with my Jadeite friends! Maybe I'll just have to paint myself some birds to prop here and there. And more on my Jadeite friends soon. I promise to introduce you to all of them!

Moving along...to the weird fireplace room.

With the new skill of making buttonholes under my belt, I feel like I successfully completed my spring decorating on a non existent budget. I finished my pillow covers...$3 worth of fabric to avoid buying new spring throw pillows for $15 a piece (at best!).
That is as close as I will let you get to the pillow cover. I don't sew. It's extremely imperfect, but from a distance, it's a suitable fix to giving the fireplace room a splash of blue. Maybe the blue pillows will draw the eye away from the mauve carpet. The bane of my existence, the thorn in my side, why, for the love of Pete, did they choose mauve. It won't be there forever, but it's there for now, so we will just continue to draw the eye away from it! Speaking of, I really didn't have anything cool to hang over my fireplace after I took down my Christmas decorations. I decided that I wanted a hip midcentury modern mirror. I figured something like that would look really cool behind my midcentury tufted chairs. But I haven't been able to find one, and moreover, if I do find one I can't afford one right now. So what's a girl to do? Paint it! This is where I've really lost my mind. I can't buy a mirror, so I paint a graphic representation of one? I mean, that's got to be odd, off kilter, weird. Or maybe it's just endearing. Anyway here it is! If nothing else it draws the eye away from the Sea of Mauve.

My disclaimer is that it really does look cooler (though no less odd, weird, or off kilter) in person because it's shimmery and it glows when it catches the light. For the other weirdos out there, I decided that this masterpiece is for sale. Maybe if somebody buys it I can buy a real life mirror! Side note: How easy is it to stack some lemons on your friend the Jadeite cake plate? Matches the chairs perfectly. And more yellow in the tulips soaking in the hobnail milkglass vase. Delightful!

Well, I figure that's enough of my green and brown life for now. More spring stuff and birthday stuff coming soon! Fun ideas, delicious cakes, and maybe even a little Homey. Stay tuned.

Speaking of Busy...

This B is super busy this week, so if the blog is quiet for a day or two, just know there is a lot of good stuff coming up! The rest of this week is full of Beasts, Buttonholes, and Birthdays. We are having a Beastly sleep over Friday evening, so there should be some interesting tales from Thing 1 and Thing 2 by the end of it. They love each other like sisters, but they also fight like sisters. It's supposed to be nice out so I plan to let them run a few laps, maybe get them to pull some weeds in the yard :)

Saturday is the birthday extravaganza since most of my family has a March birthday. I plan to have all my spring inspired decor ready to roll by then, so I'll be showing that off soon!

Somewhere in all this I really want to figure how to sew buttonholes. I have two pillow covers that are almost finished, just need some buttonholes! My sewing skills are very very limited. Seriously limited. So it will be quite a feat if I can get that done in time!

I'll have a play by play ready by the end of the weekend, so to all the loyal followers out there....stay tuned for more domestic adventures!

Deep Dark Domestic Secrets

Sometimes domesticity just doesn't work out for ya. Doesn't matter if you're "in the groove" or not...sometimes it just doesn't work. One of my favorite things to do is browse online cooking communities. I love to read recipes. I'll even spend an hour or so reading cookbooks I've had for years. It's just fun. I like getting ideas and challenging myself to things I've never tried before. Well...I guess it's better to do this reading, idea-ing, and trying when it doesn't really matter. When you haven't obligated yourself to some function at Homey's school. I guess that should be obvious. It is now.

Wanna hear a story about domestic un-prowess? Here it go: During Teacher Appreciation Month at Homey's school, parents are asked to sign up to bring various snacks, breakfasts, and sweets for the teachers to share. I love Homey's school. I love Homey's teacher(s)! I'm living a domestic, unemployed dream, so the sign up sheets were calling to me! Yes! I'll sign up! I'll cook for these wonderful ladies. I cook because I love. (Let's just remember that...I cook because I love.)

Well, breakfast went off without a hitch. It was something I cook all the time. We were a little late (it took an hour to cook, for cryin' out loud), but the pan was empty when I picked Homey up, so Mission Accomplished. They know I love them! Then we come to snack. Snack. What is this snack you speak of? Do people eat snacks? I was unaware that people could eat between meals. I must learn more about this phenomenon. I search and search for a semi-healthy treat I can make for the teachers at school and happen upon a lovely recipe for Blueberry Oat Bars on one of my online cooking community sites. Yum. I like blueberries! Oats! They're not so bad sometimes. I sometimes like oats. Let's try it!

(Disclaimer: I was off schedule all weekend THEN lost an hour due to daylight saving time. End disclaimer.)

So I start cutting in butter, mixing in oats, boiling a delicious blueberry concoction for 2 minutes, stirring constantly. I knew something was wrong, but I'm not a trained professional so I figured "what do I know? This might turn out fantastic! I'm already almost finished with it!" Um...heh-heh, go with your gut, sistah. In my exhausted, just optimistically domestic state, it didn't even register with me that 5 1/2 cups of flour have no business being made into bars with 2 cups of reduced blueberry mixture. I baked blueberries on flour. It's also stuck in my "good pan", and I have to get the hubster to try to pry it out without breaking my pan.

All this to make 2 points:

1. Cross-reference your online recipes when possible. I found an identical recipe on another site showing 1 1/2 cups of flour (hang head in shame...).

2. I cook because I love...and Homey's teachers: Dudes, I Love Y'all!!